Feels Like I've Been Here Before
by zombie room
Summary: An introspective vignette focusing on a moment between Derek and Scott. Set sometime after season two.


A/N: Set post-season two, but deals with it in vague details. Warnings: mentions of vomit and descriptions of drowning.

* * *

The first thing Derek sees is the muddy embankment. The second is the streak of vomit next to his face. It takes Derek a moment to realise that it's his, then the taste of bile becomes known in his mouth. Out of the periphery of Derek's vision there is a blurry shape moving closer to him - he can smell it as being Scott.

Derek arms refuse to cooperate, and they wobble as he tries to push himself up. Scott's arms come around him and help hoist Derek up until he's resting his back against a tree. Derek takes a few steadying breaths of air to counter-act the bout of dizziness that's washed over him. He works through a couple of shudders, squashes down the feeling of weakness he gets by being so vulnerable and helpless. His focus instead forced on fighting the cold that's seeped into his bones.

"Why are you here, Scott?" Derek asks on an exhale. "I told you not to follow me."

Scott becomes a less blurry image. He's wet; his hair are big wet lumps plastered to his forehead. That's when Derek notices that it's not raining.

And Derek remembers the moments before he passed out: being thrown against rocks, his blood carried away by the currents, and one of the Alpha's hands forcing his head down long enough for Derek to lose his strength to struggle, until his vision became nothing but blurry.

They're wet because Scott dragged Derek out of the river.

"You would be dead if I hadn't been," Scott says, and Derek's stomach lurches uncomfortably like it might try for a second attempt at purging his stomach of its contents.

Derek swallows down the lump in his throat, and averts his eyes away from Scott's face. That look of earnestness that Scott falls back on like a default expression. A look Derek can't handle now, because it's threatening to twist itself into an ugly thing inside Derek's chest. Something akin to guilt. In hindsight, Derek knows he shouldn't have gone alone after what he thought was a harmless scent trail of Boyd's. The Alpha covered its scent well enough to get the jump on Derek.

Scott has moved closer, close enough that his knees touches the meat of Derek's thigh, heat seeping through. Another thing Derek is grateful for, but by now it's too late to say his thanks. Derek wonders if he'll ever be able to say it without sounding insincere.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Scott asks.

"No."

"Did you know what you were looking for?"

The river must have taken it out of Derek, because he doesn't lie or try to deny it. "No."

Scott's features soften into something gentle, a look that most often appear in Derek's dreams. "We will find them." Scott doesn't say this like he has the countless times before - with the air of cheery optimism and a bright smile to go with it. There's a quiet fortitude in his tone, like he's seen what happens in the future, and he's just waiting for them to catch up to his vision.

Derek wishes he could see that same future. The one where Derek hasn't started to doubt his own abilities and power. But what Derek sees is Scott next to him: someone who's taken on the role of responsibility, and refuses to let the world break him. For a moment, Derek hates himself for being another piece that's trying to break Scott. He wishes he didn't need Scott in all the ways that he does. Some are for the greater good, but far too many are for selfish reasons.

Then a shiver runs through Scott.

"You're cold," Derek says.

Scott nods. "Yeah." He pushes himself off the ground - his knees dig a little into Derek's thigh - and wipes his hands of the mud on the side of his dirty jeans.

"Come on," Scott says, offering Derek a helping hand. "Let's get you out of those clothes."

Words Derek have longed to hear, but not in this context. He takes Scott's hand, and pretends that he isn't selfish when he leans into Scott's side as he gets steered out of the clearing.


End file.
